Day1

Dear Moavi

I know we are talking and now that we have begun let’s play a game a different one and I would like to continue this experiment for a week long. I hope that my laziness doesn’t take over and I could keep up like I have decided today.
Now coming to the point the game is pretty simple I would continue writing our rendezvous or my journal cum diary for one straight week except there’s a catch and a pretty simple one indeed. Have you ever wondered that when we pass someone when we talk with someone we start wondering that what possibly they could be thinking about us and we continue making assumptions that maybe this maybe she liked my new haircut maybe they were thinking what an attractive color my shirt possesses. Ya you know what I mean and it does feel great when their thoughts and our contemplations match, it’s a proud feeling. So I have decided to do the same but here the transmitter and the receiver or they and I are both me in the following coming pages. I’m going to write about Kshitij but from a third person’s perspective assuming it’s a girl as opposites attract doesn’t it. Maybe that’s why you’re Moavi instead of Matt or Moav hahaha just kidding.
Today morning I saw Kshitij waking up notable late than he usually does. I was lying next to him the conscious one, hoping that it’ll be a brighter day as recently he has been very tensed although there were several reasons the real being an unbalance between personal and professional life. I once stole his memory or rather peeked as he was once thinking. The work here in his first company is not very satisfying or till now he’s not been allotted a single work, he just goes and comes ya I can understand that it gets frustrating after a while as empty mind is adobe of all the evils he has, a lot of time to spend and nothing to spend on...... he’s being extremely confused that how to keep himself busy, it’s a tough task as where you were supposed to be working is completely ideal. He joined gym recently but unfortunately as I feared the morbid laziness is overcoming him and slowly but steadily he’s been accepting nothingness in his life. Seeing other’s working even the people he knows is tough when all he ever hated was stagnancy and that’s all is there present in his life now. Personally things are not going tolerably well either his so-called girlfriend or rather say the element x of his life is completely changed, she’s not the way she was and as always Kshitij has believed that change is the only constant has stood true even in his case, and it stood when all he ever craved was certain support and understanding.

It’s a sad side as every day I see them fighting and every day is a tragic day, it’s been long since I have seen a smile on his face. Seeing a person like him recently has revoked my belief in love.  That belief is completely shattered and I hope he's facing the same. It’s been sort of inevitable now that this relationship may not last long yet deep in his memory I have seen that he still desires to continue it. Every day he keeps devising plans to control and put a grip on his situation and spend days with vigil without having a tiff with element x, rather today he has decided or preferably say declared in his terms that there will be no further fights till 25th as that was the day they first met and 25th will mark their 9th longing anniversary. It’s peculiar isn’t it that in 9 months a child is born in that period some children are healthy robust and noisy they spread smile but unfortunately some are stillborn all they ever spread is gloom and melancholy a word extremely close to my heart of which I also later learned to lament the fellow synonym. Let’s see what it bares for Kshitij and I can only hope and pray that it’ll be a moment of blissfulness.

To escape from all the dilemmas Kshitij did what he always does in these kinds of situations and yes you get that right he did ran away, not literally this time but he went outside for the first time since the morning as foolishly he took a holiday today, procrastination as I said it’s a sweet poison. He called a friend she didn’t pick up later he saw another friend whom he ignored knowing she would also do the same, it’s strange that how people change and how estranged you can be from even yourself that you require others voice to describe whatever you want to say or maybe it’s just a way to deviate ourselves and skip the captivity of stagnancy achieving the prime goal in whatever way possible we seem. He went to buy a face gel which he applies at night and whose last bottle emptied a few days ago and we should also not forget that we are talking about a person who is completely bankrupt and who even recharged his phone today on a loan.

Sad day isn’t it may be that’s all that’s happening to him from all the fronts.... nothing a loop of nothingness where fallen he can’t manage to escape out he just doesn’t buy that gel but also a packet of biscuits and a chocolate thanks to his parents who deposited an amount into his account, he took two rounds of the same area something he doesn’t always do but maybe loop has been accepting him. It’s hard to see him falling yet the second time he withdraws some cash had a plate of Dosa seeing his expression it seemed to be good had his chocolate but you know after a while he didn’t desire to have more of those biscuits it seemed good at first but now it was feeling a burden nothing more nothing less. So maybe people don’t change it’s just our attitude towards them that changes maybe it’s just when we get used to things we desire to forbid them. We try to run away from them, it may not mean that things are broken or lost, maybe all we need is a change of taste and after a while, the biscuits will be well again.

While returning he saw an elderly couple and he sat behind them they were calm and composed the language of their communication was different for him. I know he didn’t understand a word yet there was a sense of belongingness moving on he even saw young friends talking about relationships like it’s the only goal left in people’s life nowadays but their talk was far different it was fluctuating from one person to another just juggling it was a funny thing as all he could sense was turbulence.

Now his laptop is not working his clothes are sent to the machine moving around and around to be washed. The day is about to end and another day of nothingness will begin tomorrow, sometimes I wonder why Kshitij why he’s gifted all the things he ever despaired maybe we despair what we have yet that’s not my answer and hope is a vague and meaningless term. Luck if that even exists tends to be forgotten. I wonder to foresee the future yet I’m not capable of that.

 

Go slowly my lonely moon
Maybe it’s a hopeless place

By- Kshitij Sinha
21/8/2018