My First Namaz

When life pleases with questions, when knees shift the load to knuckles.. let's face the question rest in peace easy to say for a life who had enough sparkle to cherish forever. OH! still among all the hardship I look towards you, do appear in whatever form you like, I'll worship always, a novice like the first time.

Here I’m back to writing table to be united with the person I adore most... the silent observant patient and one of the kindest individual I have ever met. Undoubtedly he has made me learn a lot of new things like-  how imperfection can be glorious and how you can absorb without ever protesting,  always to remain empty. But I can’t write about him though recently we haven’t conversed a lot and now I’m back with the diamond tipped rusty old pen more precious to me than the ink that resides, soul superior to body to contradict myself, shining bold fragmented pages of my imagination waiving for ideas clinching the threads of myriad kites.Being a kid running and chasing to feel the euphoria in earning one by your hard invested efforts is far richer than just buying the invaluable with a piece of uncompromised paper. The kite runner ran, just running and running faster as I could being slower than anyone else would just admiring those platted velvet pages of my memories just tickle them and they’ll form resonating peaceful ripples. I loved what I was, trying fullest to understand what I have become and hating the misnomer silhouette of future.
I remember my times in hospital the incidents that still gives me the reason to smile yet the tranquility of peace was felt only under the shade of god..  mischief jingles of far placed bell's including  vain efforts to jump which got increased in amplitudes only to bring the attention of caring father to let his careful vigilant eyes to see what his child wants to be seen only to be lifted by protective strong arms,  fraction of most beautiful flights scattering the doctrine of restrictions applying all the force to realize how powerful I have become by striking the bell, colliding two sonorous bodies just to make noise the noise which is pleasant and addictive the noise which vibrates and simultaneously reciprocates. To hold your mother’s soft hands only to feel how rough her palms have become to bow in front of lord in stone,  the goddess over lion (my all-time favorite)  and the melody which follows, my visit to temples have always been glorious to be united  with peace and to feel how much your family matters..how important you can be to someone else like god to devotee like child to parents.
 I consider myself religious and an atheist at the same time, all I value is that feeling of unknown the joy in the void and the depth love can extent.
Thank You, I say to the lord in stone and goddess I miss you a lot. I admire when you kiss my forehead your light in pain and your embrace in shade, just be there for me always.
I thank them for the opportunity to make me meet you, to hear your preachers and to be indulged in the powerful rhythm which I can never forget Oh! Allah almighty the great, not in stones but this time I saw you incoherence, in symphony and harmony not united but divided in everyone equally. I’ll always remember that Friday lord following the wind although not wearing Kurta as everyone else did a little scared, timid but meticulous I’ll rather say just following not running this time trying to figure what the sermons could mean when you sang –

(The Wudu Of Benevolence)                                   (Wudu- A mystic ritual of cleansing before worship)

Don’t go for words knowledge can be taught wisdom can’t
Enlightenment can only be experienced never preached or learned.
Purification can’t be explained only to be felt
Dear disciple denounce luxury and comfort
Detach from the earthly pleasures
Yet even if you can’t its okay my son
Just stay always being my child
One with pure heart one with preserved and protected smile
Your Niyyah wasn’t perfect but comforting
Together dear wash your hands with me thrice
Let me fell the warmth they contain
Let the world know how lovely it is to hold them

We all are students in front of lucid water
Thrice-like whirlpool in your silent mouth
Let me hear every word you never said
I’ll wash your face thrice, I know in every circumstance you’ll recognize me
Letting the mighty sprinkle to flow completely over your empty hands
From wrist leaving the watch you adore, to forget about the time
As in your lap, it rushes so fast sliding to elbows 
From Head to ears inside out, you can complain today dear horizon        

Oh Lord....      
Pointing towards sky I’ll say loud and clear, I know you’ll listen

I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah alone; He is One; He has no partner and I bear witness that (Hadrat) Muhammad (sallallahu ala Muhammadu sallallahu alaihu Wasallam) is His (chosen) servant and (true) Messenger."

And so Dear Allah on your command my Wudu ends.

Under the sailing banner, I went upstairs producing ripples in the ocean determined to drown, drown in innocence and sublimation.
I received an extremely decorated carved cap and the helix which kept it surrounded,  to fill a much-needed embargo on overwhelmed thoughts only to hear the song in rain, peace in sermon and the strength to stand with the shoulder to shoulders unitedly combined in a single thread.
“Allah Hu Akbar” Allah you’re kind and greatest here I stand bowing to you in Takbiratul Ihram
Performing Qiyam as my friend said
Still a beginner but I stand up folding my hands across the chest just listening to the melody of Surah Al-Fatiha ( The first chapter in the order of the Quran) Lord pardon me for not knowing the wordings of Surah yet I sensed it in every inch of my body incomplete and complete in itself.
In Ruku I bow to you my lord unfolding my hands to accomplish the freedom you gave facing the ground to know how even grains can be so charming  and complex, having a glass of chaos on my back reciting only your greatness and the empathy you always present

Subhana Rabbiyal al- Adheem
Subhana Rabbiyal al- Adheem
Subhana Rabbiyal al- Adheem

Rising up knowing you listens to those who praise “Sami Allahu Liman Hamid ah”
Our lord to you is due all the praises.
To cherish the prostration guess a great way always to remain grounded with holy earth. Letting my forehead, palms, and knees on the floor, touching this blessed and impeccable land “Subhan rabbi Alala”- Glory is to my lord, the highest.
Show me the path, show me light and I'll follow

And here my sacred Namaz ends.

Your mercy is on everyone lord, you’re everywhere in every form, call this atheist under your infinite illuminated adobe, I’ll pray under the shelter of your thousand names.
Religion has been always great founding, a magnificent way to elevate, learn, explore and resonate. I fly under your vastness my lord "Thank You"
And as they say- "No duty is more urgent than that of returning someone's thanks".

Absorb my guilt dear father, I apologize for all my mistakes
Forgive your idiotic son my benevolent mother.
Just a nail-less little flower, just a nail-less.

By- Kshitij Sinha

13/4/2017

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