Dear Moavi: The Schrodinger’s cat

 Moavi,

It’s me again you must be wondering why I have come searching for you on this deck sailing through Harbour Bridge looking for you as the sun-rays are departing the lotus temple, even I’m wondering the same yet somewhere deep down a voice echoed and commanded to search for you here in this paradoxical puzzle of memory just like a Schrodinger’s cat.
A part of me thought our meeting was delayed and was living in a fabrication of completion, I thought the person I was looking for the one to complement and compliment was finally here, yet I was proven wrong again and I was left searching for you...who else if not you.
People leave you at the most vulnerable times and people leave you at the moments you need them most my moments of happiness my moment stolen from myriad timelies to just absorb a glimpse of you in finite and the alignment for this moment in distant seems indefinite don’t make me wait further my ships is bound to sink in the deepest of waters for once I thought I have found what I have been invariably looking for yet the universe wanted me to taste what I have been sharing and preaching the universe wanted me to taste the pain of separation the loss of someone close someone yours to someone you used to know, it’s a complex and rhetoric feeling a feeling where you thought you are different the person you are relining upon is diffenret yet you are proven wrong precisely at the same moment as if like a hungry rat just following the steps to reach it’s own dismay, like a nemeis in this genesis which it thought will be the end to all the hunger he could ever comprehend, alas the same fate was designed for me and I thought I’m different the person is different the sitauton is different yet it’s the same negation and the circus where I was supposed to be controlling the ring but just found to be a trivial part of it, onus this fall is on me…And there you are to celebrate with me… amidst the demise of what could have been what we desired and what transpired…And we celebrated knowing we had to celebrate vehemently.

Dear Moavi,
I think I have finally found her, her brilliance jubilates illuminates and blinds me, I feel complete in her presence as that’s what I have been seeking throughout as if someone is finally understanding me as if someone is finally accepting me, the inner child the traveler the writer the mean the kind the insecure the nomad and the runaway as if someone is finally there, I just feel an incessant comfort in her lap and just her presence is enough to rejuvenate, I’d like to elope in a rendezvous of orchids with her someday and probably that’s what you had also desired...freedom from me yet you’ll be never free from me and I need a promise that in case it doesn’t turn out the way it’s supposed to like a Schrodinger’s cat, although this time I feel it’s different although this time I know she is different the circumstances are different yet just for the fail-safe before anyone opens the door with me and this vile of poison amid this permutation of uncertainty in that case…I’ll look for you in Sydney deck sailing through Harbour Bridge looking for you as the sunrays are departing the Lotus Temple.

My Moavi,
My one and only does the sky over you feel the same…I wonder how the sky differentiates between joy and destruction.
I was thinking about you today I was suddenly remembering you I was afraid that soon in the near future someone will surely come close and someone will soon open the door and I’m not sure being the schoddinerg’s cat what am I supposed to do, should I die and just run-away like I always do or should I live this time and prove that no I was right, this juncture was different my situation my surrounding the person I chose everything was different, Dear Moavi, My Moavi, show me a sign.

 

A note to the universe:


The cloud was playing tricks today as if it asked me to pick a card and put it back in the deck…I could clearly remember the card, it was a queen of hearts, it made me think what kind of trick the universe had for me this time…At 2:22 placing the card back somewhere in the maze to 3:33 being wounded with moreish blood seeking a raincheck, somewhere in the transit in the order not so chronological. I remember a vehicle came suddenly in front.. red as the heart and brutal as the queen and as I adhered to the brakes so hard somewhere their fate was being written as if I were a Schrodinger’s cat and a vile of poison next and as per theory once the door opens either the cat will survive or die and until the door isn’t open the probability of both is equal nevertheless unanimous…Yet the theory can take you only so far
I remember opening my eyes and all I could think at that moment was of Sydney…on deck sailing through Harbour Bridge looking for you as the sun-rays are departing the Lotus temple.

By - Kshitij Sinha
08/12/2023

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