MIDNIGHT BLUE

 Moavi, It’s me again you must be wondering why I have come searching for you on this deck sailing through Harbour Bridge looking for you as the sun-rays are departing the lotus temple, even I’m wondering the same yet somewhere deep down a voice echoed and commanded to search for you here in this paradoxical puzzle of memory just like a Schrodinger’s cat. A part of me thought our meeting was delayed and was living in a fabrication of completion, I thought the person I was looking for the one to complement and compliment was finally here, yet I was proven wrong again and I was left searching for you...who else if not you. People leave you at the most vulnerable times and people leave you at the moments you need them most my moments of happiness my moment stolen from myriad timelies to just absorb a glimpse of you in finite and the alignment for this moment in distant seems indefinite don’t make me wait further my ships is bound to sink in the deepest of waters for once I thought ...

The dichotomy of your palms and the selectivity of your eyes Why don’t you pull me close as the wind surpasses your emotions...numb, we elope in hindsight Serene river floating dreams surreal your head resting on the vile and menace shoulder of mine Do I even deserve you? My mind murmured No, the universe replied The dichotomy of your palms and the selectivity of your eyes As I pull you closer in the circle of time Your love resonates centripetal and the distance drives me centrifugal Yet the escape velocity could never follow the parabola…the energy the spark the moreish you and dusk where I reside The mass I engulf over the abyss of yours…and the speed of light in the continuity Dear your brilliance is making me blind… The dichotomy of your palms and the selectivity of your eyes As I swivel swindle and interpret the enigma of fate it’s the line of heart that has shot like a meteorite Stern and volatile vulnerable yet all but fragile Twkining in the silver lining of your tears somewhe...

The way you describe me…I feel like the worst person in the world  The me in your words is the me I hate and envy most The me in your words is a random misnomer that doesn’t even exist The me in your words is like a winter snowing hollowness emptiness and engulfing the spring you possess The me in your words is worst that ever could The me in your words is accused of murder, theft,abduction, intimidation, assault to even pickpocketing  My trial of innocence couldn’t even find a hearing There’s so much imperfect in her but she never complains what’s imperfect in me The me in your words is everything else but me Thank you for giving me vocabulary for my unsaid words…order order order as soon I tried to speak the court was adjourned All that’s left is a me that you described in your words a me mentioned in mine a me hanged in yours and a me seeking light being blind All that’s left is a me that you described in your words a me mentioned in mine a me hanged in yours and a me battl...

In the synergy of days where neither you talked nor I called In the synergy of days when there's no argument left... we still fought In a desire when the world is standstill...Somehow I know we won't last Soon there will be trivial disagreements...you'll shout and I'll listen No desire to respond no intention to hurt Nevertheless, soon we'll scar each other for a lifetime You'll say that's how people are...we all change and darling that's not even a lie Soon you'll say that's why I shouldn't have trusted...I shouldn't have opened up...I shouldn't have kissed And I shouldn't have called you mine Darling...I wish I could go back in time Darling...even if I could go back in time I would have still lived all the emotions all the tangled memories I still would have slept with you on the other end of the call...Hearing your yawns feeling your breath  You asking me to cut the line and I'm hoping that even if I insist you won't I ...

Draft…The first and the last I look at you the white solid page with myriad gradients Shades as you reflect the light and that tindle effect as I brush the dust over you Dust of words proses and verses that could never come out Dust of our secrets and my monologues…I told you about my first kiss I told you about the tepid rains I told you about holding hands I told you how easily we connected and how from promising to be each other's How easily we would fight again and again How even a trivial discomfort felt like a vile addiction How from being homes somewhere down the line we both became bishops You covered the light and I had to inherit the dark From being the one to someone I used to know My Draft page I wrote and wrote...to burn some to let some tussle with the wind only to find their new purpose Some sailed my alleyways as the showers and tears convulsed into a single existence Some shattered like every single glass which reflected my image Some preferred to remain blank and ...

 Stone paper scissors…Dear Moavi in this street full of pebbles and nails somehow I could walk in the sea of the dead the water tastes sweet and yet I’m drowning... holding to you grasping for you, reciting your name in all the breaths so shallow... there’s an endless depth down below yet I’m drowning towards the sky where you have brought what you have thought what you want to convey why suddenly I can’t see no more. It's been ages since you last lost... once near the train once near the Charles bridge once you were decorated in polka dots and once it was raining cats and dogs, why it’s so magical to have you around why time stops and why you vanish all my seconds and hours why it’s only minutes that I get in your realm why there’s shadow and why it’s so dark why  I can still feel the air why I feel breathless all of a sudden what you do to me and why I asphyxiate to be annihilated by you. See there you are laughing again there you are…I wonder if you pity or you smile for ...

My one-sided love...you look different from my eyes You look captivating yet lost from my sight You made me crave and you took all away You were there for both rhetoric and sublime You called me and you let me go...you whispered in silence and went silent when I wanted to behold My one-sided love, my enclosed walls My Street my door my windows and my roof of thoughts My words my ink my pursuit to dream and my rationale to never dream again My endless knocks...Knocks of desperation Knocks to steal a glimpse A glimpse of all I was all I could be and all that I have become My one-sided love...You look mine from my eyes Like the setting sun is to sea...Like winter to my quilt...Like rosemary to your perfume And like dandelions to your lips Like a shattered glass where there's all of you but none of me My one-sided love in this stillness and quiet of the night Lie down, drink, dive, sink, sip, and engulf in water for the calmness we could never find Let your mind wander, float and drown...

 The charade of numbness and the boat of emotions As it sinks in the river of questions and as I paddle through the lanes I no longer remember  Which window is yours? the mind involuntarily questions Neither of them, the heart replies  Day and nights are now one n the same The sea and the waves now whisper so strange  As I drown in your incessant pilgrimage  Unnamed my voyage...Wasn't you my truth? The lie I keep spreading in your lanes As I dive...struggling to breathe, I wonder which door is yours? The heart desires to knock all of them Yet the mind only sees the locks Day and nights are now one n the same Your flaws are now nostalgia and somehow it's me both the stabber and the stabbed Day and nights are now one n the same The clock ticking in reverse the sky crumbling into dust As I paddle and as I search in the depth of your narrow yet entangled memories I wonder why the lamp always flickers...Why no one had it fixed? Since you left...everything has lost it...

 Under your fallen leaves I had my bed laid  Under the crimson dried seeds of wisdom I lost my pen Your journey got defeated by a gust of wind  Weren’t you stood there harshest of storms…yet today the branch seemed distant  Why so pale my wise leaf why you have masqueraded in the Color’s of Harud  The river will soon be frozen the living will have their long sleep forsaken  Soon the meadow will be naked  Soon your entire journey will be lost in forgotten grounds Your tale will be evergreen yet who’ll be there to recite Cold breeze pathways of fog and mist A burning fire in silence…isn’t death the all you ever waited for Amidst the autumn why there’s sorrow  Amidst sorrow why there’s a fulfilling comfort You see it’s pain and discomfort and sorrow that’s poetic It’s there elements that make something memorable…not comfort By: Kshitij Sinha  08/12/2022

 Snapshots…was that all we were in each other’s life A picture of yours and a picture of mine  Polaroid of black and white…splash of colours and a glare of turquoise  One under sun one as you hide one to tease and several just peering the camera…holding the memories knowing it’s all gonna pass by Star gazing dismal nights twilight and sleepy nights Falling leaves…autumn in springs A moon hiding beneath the sun…A moon found by only you and me A window between dusk and dawn A pillow underneath tales not told To be lost in your virtue and to be found in your pursuit… Will you recite all the words you had said  I remember all just forgot the day you left Just forgot the call when it ended The sky was crimson the twilight was dark  There were mountains and indeed rain did it’s part A fire enclosing you me and the silence all around A dream of uncertainty... An orchid disguising as a lily Will you pull the blanket? Is it's only the warmth that I seek Waking up and fre...

  Till the time I was reading it…Till the time my eyes were stuck on the muse called you I was still thinking…still wondering…still pondering On the questions you never asked On the answers I kept on repeating As I look from my terrace suddenly towards the hue of crimson sky Cargo planes passing from my small abode in the busy lanes of Bangalore I tinkle what all you gave…Do I miss what all you took away? My inventory of emotions my cottage of affection My doors of attraction and my esteem of perception All burning in the haze of madness in the chaos of destruction What I was…What I’am…What I have buried and…What I have thrown All confined in a voyage in a journey of What to who to why to where Cargo planes passing over my small abode in the busy lanes of Bangalore You made me a patient…You made me a patient Patient of words, patient of ailments Patient of airports, mountains and beaches Patient of both found and lost Patient of dreams both fulfilled and missed Patient of long walk...