Dear Sulu.. If I may

Saying she has changed won't be the perfect combination of right words to justify the situation to say she's not what she used to be is certainly not the right decision. It'll be killing a free bird who just wants to fly... Fly in the direction opposite to what would I have thought, far like a free flight which I taught her to forgot in my captivity. Isn't it that with time I turned into a hunter a poacher... Holding net of interrogations and dilemma chasing the positive side of life. Have I changed or the chivalrous falcon inside, it's something hard to describe. Where all I ever wanted was to glide, crossing mountains sea and rivers, countries to countries vast as a continent. I wanted to travel constellations but something changed... Something very trivial yet impacted huge, it's just not me... Or maybe it never was.
Did I slowly but steadily enjoyed torturing you, when did I decide to change my shoes from a prey to predator... Seeing your loyalty seeing your affection did I take you for granted when the poisons didn't affect your dedication did my subconscious declared you to be immune and immoral... Forgetting who you are other than a human, a fickle mind one which thinks of its own which have a personal space a personal life certain personal aspirations and certain lively desires... Did in the process in the paradigm did I forgot all these, but isn't I was like this from the very beginning, isn't this how I was from the day we met.. ruthless, arrogant but sympathetic maybe a cruel king but only in your empire..... Nowhere else, not in any other place existing in reality or myth. Because I knew, whatever happens, you'll be there, that child in you will always be persistent. You'll come consoling me like you always do. I knew my tantrums and I knew my mood swings... I knew the depths of ambiguity but I knew how to make you cry and getting melted in the process, it's more than 1 and half months. We did have several fights... But neither you consoled me nor there were any tears waiting to be wiped by... I met you as a child who did fall in love at the first sight, you were immature not even knowing whom you promised to commit your whole life, I'm a stranger to myself yet you made forever promises to stand by...
I was like this always but you a box of kindness, sweetness, a string so fragile but tenacious one I could only caress and kiss as the times passed by. Your love used to be unconditional, fidelity in your tongue. It used to be so pure and pious. Unknown to care, all you ever wanted was a shell to absorb and I more than willing to provide. But little did I know that what I always knew what you always refused to accept will arrive, Brutally stabbing me in the hour I needed you most by my side.
"Change is the only constant and love is only a feeling bound to come and go like a rhyme....."
I guess the affection you always missed in your childhood is there with both arms open to embrace, for the child who deserved more than anything else.. Who am'I in front of this force, this care and this unconditional love.. Except for a stranger with too much to ask and too much to complain.
I know everything is not same nor I think it would ever be, we still says I love you... But void of feelings it's just a habit which we used to carry, I'm unsure that till when it can even last...
Always knew this day would come and you always refused as a joke... Everything is same, except love we swapped places in our thinkings.
You made me believe in you and at the threshold, you finally ceased to be me.

P. S - I love you

(A void once filled dejects the estranged seekers) 

By - Kshitij Sinha 
5/6/2018

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